Why Love Marriages Fail?*

According to  an age old saying, "Marriages are made in Heaven". God has made a partner for each and every person on this earth. Earlier it was parents job to find that match for their daugter or son. It was called arranged marriage. But now the situation has change. Now, children choose their soulmate and parents have to go by their choice. Sometimes, even if parents do not approve then also children marry against their will. It is called love marriage.

Now, according to a survey in India, the number of divorce cases are more in love marriages than in arranged marriages. For a good relationship it is very important to know each other. In marriage which is a life long relationship, this factor becomes more important. We all know that love marriages start with friendship. Then what are the reasons that lead to the couples who know each other so well; to divorce.

Here, is my personal take on this issue. As, I am not an experienced player in the dealing with relationship matter so please comment if you disagree.

1. Same Nature- While making boyfriend or girlfriend we look for common interests. But in marriage it is very necessary that your partner should complement you. If both are of same nature, like both are dominating, clash is obvious.

2. Both partner independent- Quarrel is there in arranged marriages too, but due to non- working female partner, she cannot take a big step of seperation. But in love marriages usually both partner are working ,so both are independent and a small dispute can become a reason of divorce.

3. Less Involvement of Parents After Marriage- Save cities, in towns and villages still parents are not in favour of their children marrying on their own. Even if they accept their children choice for the sake of their happines; they are themselves not happy from inside. In this case, if a couple have a fight and go to their parents house, unlike arranged marriage. they do not interfere enough to settle the dispute. They have a " tumhi ne pasand ki thi/kiya tha, tum hi dekho" attitude.

4. Ego Clash or Insecurity- This usually happen with males. If both partners are working and the female partner reaches to a higher position than him; it sometimes become reason of divorce.

5. Comparison From Pre-Married Life- Couples start comparing their married life with their pre married life which was full of romance and surprises. It is bound to decrease after marriage which sometimes become very irksome and leads to gloominess in married life.

6. Infidility- Due to lost romance in married life some people took a wrong path of finding that lost love outside marriage. It leads to extra-marrital affair and eventually divorce ( only if caught :) ).
However, it is also a main reason of divorce in case of arranged marriage.

7. Horoscope Not Mathched-  A vital part of arranged marriages is horoscope matching. Out of 36 traits atleast 18 should match between the couple. More the numbers, more happy happy married life will be. in love marriages horoscope are not matched. Even if matched, many times the score is less than 18. Manglik dosh , nadi factor are the other things to be considered for happy married life. So, in this case the match is not idle according to Pundits. This reason will sound absurd to some, that is why I have kept it at last.

* In my family both type of marriages have been successful so far.

Anna Hazare: Need Of The Hour?

After the thumping victory of Pranab Mukherjee in the Presidential Election, Anna fever is ready to grip the country again. 'Civil Society' a term unheard by many in the country few yeras back is now on everyone's tongue because of Anna Hazare's stint last year.

Civil society includes all N.G.Os, pressure groups and other such organization. They are not new in our country. Before independence these pressure groups acts as a medium to raise the voices of suffering Indians besides working for social causes. Post independence they started working for betterment in different fields such as education, agriculture, women emancipication etc. Raising people's voices and taking care of their needs was brilliantly took care off  by their representatives (political leader). They performed their duty to the fullest. But a vacuum came into politics after some year due to moneyed interests. These moneyed interests started giving wealth to political parties in the name of Party Fund to fulfil their selfish needs. As a result the voice of common people got sidelined. As politics hate vacuum, many different actors arise to fill that gap. Team Anna is one auch actor.

Many of you might be assuming that I am a detractor of Anna Movement. Let me make it very clear, I am not. But I am not its supporter too. I am a vey optimistic person and still sees a silver lining in the present grey clouds surrounding our politics.

After the successful Anna Hazare movement an aura was created by the media that this movement is a sign of growing maturity of Indian people. That we Indians have understand the real meaning of democracy. But the truth is Anna's movement is a sign of dysfunctional political system in our country.

At present no party is working for people's interest. If Congress is involved in scams at the centre. BJP has its own share in its ruling states. The need of the hour is to bring a drastic change in our political system. It cannot come immediately and certainly not by pressurizing the government. We have to be patient.

India has an Ideal Constitution and have solutions to all our problems. Two years are left for general elections. Make sure , all of us vote and vote for the candidate ;not for party. Unlike many countries where people have to vote for a party and members are sent to the parliament in proportion of the votes their party gets ( Proportional Representation); framers of our Constitution adopted the other method First Past The Post. Where candidate elected by us is send directly to the House. So, enjoy this privilege and choose the right representative for yourself. Don't vote in the name of religion, caste and community.

Lokpal Bill if passed cannot put an end to corruption or improve our machinery. Because even if government officials stop taking bribe due to fear of lokpal, we will still give them bribe for getting our work done fast. Because we cannot stand in queue for our chance. We have become impatient. If you disagree, take on situation. You want a driving license within 5 days because you have to submit it for getting a job of a pizza delievery boy. Official time for getting a license is 15 days but then you will not get the job. On the other hand you can get the license in just 3 days by giving kickback. What will you do?

So, we have to change ourselves. We have to be patient. Corruption is one such problem. There are many. India is a democratic country and solution to all our problems is in our hands itself. No, TEAM can claim to be our representatives, unless we want. 

Should Rape be made Gender Neutral?

Amid much publicised and criticised crimes against women which outrage the modesty of women; the cabinet give its nod to make ape a gender neutral offence. By making it gender neutral the word rape will be replaced by sexual assault. This will bring male victims within the legal ambit.

But what is happening in the country presents the reverse picture. After the feminist wave in 1980's many countries in the west took this course. But it will took a long time to bring women of our country at par with women of west. There is no doubt that females of our country have achieved great heights in the last 10 years but we have hardly heard a case in India where a man is raped by a woman. So, making rape a gender neutral offence in India makes a mockery of present situation.

I am aware of the fact that boys are often the victims of sexual assault. An episode of Satyamev Jayate has thrown enough light on this. But boys are prone to sexual violence only in their childhood. After they reach adultery they gain enough strength to fight against it. So, rape law should be gender specific when dealing with adults. Recently passed Child Sexual Abuse Act deals with this problem. Juvenile ( Justice and Protection) Act should be made more stringent to deal further with molestation.

Recently on Guwahati context National Commission for Women chairperson Mamta Sharma gave a controversial statement in which she had asked women to be careful about the way they dress. It is unfortunate that a body meant for protection of women rights is blaming them. Women have full right and freedom in whichever way they want to dress. Wearing revealing dresses has nothing to do with the increasing number of rape cases.

Before going any further we must see what is the reason of increasing cases of rape and sexual assault. According to a medical research males attain their sex peak at the age of 18. Between 18 to 25 they are most sexually active. Whereas females most sexually active  between 30 - 40 years. Now in older times the average age of marriage in India was 14-15 years. So, before adultery boys have a female partner and due to less mobility there were remote chances of meeting new partner. Now, due to career oriented approach of youth and awareness about female health average age of marriage has shifted to 23-25 years. Mobility has also increased. So, many times either under the influence of alcohol or deprived of a female partner at that very moment of sexual urge they commit such crime. Females  also feel the urge of sex but due to our culture and physical structure they control their feelings.

However, Union Cabinet has taken an important step by widening the definition of rape which till now only include penile and vaginal penetration and bringing sexual assault under it. But sexual assault is itself a very wide term which includes showing pornography, passing sexual remarks, touching at inappropriate places, asking for sexual favour etc.
Now can you give the same punishment to a person who is accused of raping her colleague in his house and another person who has touched a women in bus on her thigh? So sexual assault should be divided into sub categories and only severe acts should be bought under the rape law. Different punishment should be given for different grades of sexual assault.

The best among the government proposal is the one that will bar cross-examines from bringing into question the character and previous sexual experience of the victim, which is often used to dilute the victim's case and even discourage her from coming forward, allowing the perpetrators to go scot free.

To improve the present situation making rape law gender neutral is not going to help. It will make the law weak. Conviction rate which is very low at present should be increased in rape cases.  That alone will deter sexual offenders.

तब्दीली

अब  वह   समय  नहीं  रहा
जब  एक  रूपये  की
टाफियाँ  आती  थी  चार
और  उसको  खाते  थे
मिल  बांट यार

पडोसी  की  तरक्की  पर                                         
होती  थी  खुशी
भाई  का  बच्चा  जब  आता  था  अव्वल
करके  मेहनत  खूब , बहाकर  पसीना
गर्व  से  चौड़ा  हो  जाता  था  खुद  का  सीना


अजनबियों  को  देने  से  आसरा
कोई  न  था  घबराता
अनजान  से  पूछ  लो  पता
तो  मंजिल  पर  ही  छोड़  आता


जो  नेता  निभाते  थे  अपने  किये  वादे
उन्हें  कोई  कैसे  भुला  दे
सरकारी  दफ्तरों  में  होता  काम  फटाफट
कि अफसर  हिलाते  थे   हाथ   सटा-सट

माँ - बाप  करते  थे 
बच्चों  की  शादी  तय
और  संताने  भी  निभा  ले  जाती  थी  उसे  सातों  जनम


पर  अब  हो  रहा  है  सभी  कुछ  उलटा ........


क्योंकि  अब  वह  समय  नहीं  रहा ।      

सपना

अक्सर  देखता  हूँ
एक  सपना
जो  जगा  देता  है
मुझे  गहरी  नींद  से ।

नहीं  दिखते  हैं
कोई  भूत  या पिशाच                                     
न  ही,  किसी  प्रिय  के
खोने  का   होता  है  डर ।


दिखते  हैं  तो  बस
भूख  से  रोते - बिलखते  बच्चे
सूखे  की  मार  से
आत्महत्या  करते  किसान ,
वह  परिवार  जो  बाढ़   में
खो  चुके  हैं  सब  कुछ
और  आतंकवादियों  की गोलियों  के
शिकार  कुछ  मासूम  ।


यही  सपना  डरा 
देता  है  मुझे

उठकर  सोचता  हूँ
क्या  कभी  कुछ  कर पाऊंगा
इनके  लिए
या  मैं  भी  बने  रहूँगा
एक  मूक - दर्शक ....

जो  फिर  सो  जायेगा 
एक  अच्छे  सपने की 
चाह  में ।

Shame!

Like any other normal morning, I started today also. I brought the newspaper and I had just started reading it, when 3 news on the front page shook me from inside.

Though, the news were from 3 different places of the country but they have one thing in common. They depict the inhuman behaviour and atrocities towards women in our society.

First news was about a girl Sonali Mukherjee from Dhanbad. She became blind, partially deaf and melted away 80% of her skin by an acid attack by three of her neighbours; who sexually harassed her for years , and when she pitched her voice she met with this fate. The perpetruators are now threatening her family and she has asked for permission for euthanasia (allow her to die) from government.

In the second news, a 11th class student in Guwahati was molested by a mob of more than 20 men when she was returning from a birthday party. More than 100 people were on the road when the girl was being molested but they remain as mere spectators.

In third news, Baghpat ( U.P) Panchayat issued a Taliban style diktat; prohibiting women from using mobiles, going to markets witout a male member of the family if they are under 40 years of age. According to Panchayat this decision was taken to safeguard women from "teasing".

Now, the question arises how long do we need to come out of this male chauvinistic mentality? When our constitution has given equal rights to both men and women, who are we to go against the basic tenets of the constitution?
After the 73rd and 74th ammendments 1/3 of seats in local bodies were reserved for women but it has not improved the situation of women in villages. Various Central and State Schemes of government for emancipication of women goes in vain; even after the allocation of fund because of lack of interest of our representatives. Compared to other countries our central and state legislatures have less number of female members. Women Reservation Bill can improve the situation but only if it get pass.

Police do not register the complain of rape, eve teasing until media or higher authorities pressure. Police need to show quickness in such matter.

If a girl or woman is in danger we should help her instead of standing and watching, as happened in Guwahati.

Until we start respecting women and give them their rights. We do not deserve to be a developed nation.

मेरी class के पंखे

तीन  साल  हो  गए  मुझे  college  मे । 5  semester  बड़े  मजे  से  गुजरे । पर  पिछला  semester  मेरे  लिए किसी  दुर्घटना  से  कम  न  था । इसका  कारण  था  compulsory attendance  का  ' तुगलकी फरमान ' । तुगलकी  इसलिए  क्यूकि   ढाई  सालो  में   किसी  ने  attendance ki  सुध  नहीं  ली  थी ।

अब  आप  सोच  सकते  हैं  की  जो  ढाई  साल  तक  college अपनी  मर्ज़ी  से  गया  हो ( अधिकतर  नहीं  गया ) उसके  लिए  रोज़  कॉलेज  जाना  mount everest  चढ़ना  सरीखा  कार्य  था ।
बहराल  exam  में  न  बैठने  दिये  जाने  के  डर से  मैंने  college  जाना  आरंभ  कर  दिया ।

जब  पहले  दिन  मैं  class  पंहुचा  तो  वह काफी  भरी  हुई  थी । मैं  कोने  में  जाकर  बैठ  गया । जिस  चीज़  ने  मेरा ध्यान  सबसे  ज्यादा  आकृष्ट  किया  वह  थे  हमारी  class  के  पंखे । 4  में  से  केवल  1 चलता  था  । वह  भी  ऐसे  मानों  घूमकर  एहसान  कर  रहा  हो । उस  पंखे  के  नीचे  बैठने  का  सौभाग्य  मुझे  कभी  प्राप्त  नहीं  हुआ, इसलिए  मैं आपको  यह  नहीं  बता  सकता  की  वह  हवा  करता  भी  था  या  सिर्फ  हमारी  तरह  college  में  अपना  कार्यकाल  पूरा  कर  रहा  था ।

बाकि  के  पंखे  जो  ' मनमोहन ' के  मुह  की  तरह  बंद  थे ,  उनके  पंख  मंदी  की  मार  खाई  अर्थव्यवस्था  की  तरह  झुके  थे । अपने  एक  सहपाठी  से  पूछने  पर  मालूम  पड़ा , कुछ  शैतान  लडकों  ने  पंख  पर  लटकर  उन्हें  टेडा  कर  दिया  था । पंखो  पर  इतनी  धूल  जमी  थी , जितने  पुराने  ज़माने  की अभिनेत्रियों  के  तन  पर  कपड़े  हुआ  करते  थे  ।

मार्च  के  महीने  में  पुणे  में  गर्मी  अधिक  हो  जाने  के  कारण  विद्यार्थियों  का  class  में  बैठना  मुश्किल  हो  गया । एकमात्र  पंखा  जो  चलता  था , उसके  नीचे  बैठने   वाले 8-10   छात्र  fixed  थे । जो  हर  रोज़  समय  से  आधा  घंटा  पूर्व  आकर  पंखे  की  नीचे  वाली  सीट  पर  बैठ  जाते थे  ।

गर्मी  से  परेशान  होकर  हमने  अपनी  समस्या  से  टीचर  को  अवगत  कराया । वैसे  टीचर  रोज़  हमे  बंद  पंखो  के  नीचे  पढाते  थे । शायद  हमारी  ओर  से  पहल  का  इंतज़ार  कर  रहे  थे । हमारी  ओर  से  औपचारिक  शिकायत  दर्ज  करने  पर  एक   नेता  की  तरह  आश्वासन  दिया  की  समस्या  का  जल्द  समाधान  होगा ।

1-2 हफ्तों  तक  जब   कोई  कदम  नहीं  उठाया  गया  तो  फिर  शिकायत  दर्ज  की गयी । इस  बार असर  हुआ  और  अगले  ही  दिन  दो  आदमी  चलती  हुई  कक्षा  के  बीच  में  आए  । मुझे  लगा  पंखा  ठीक  करने  electrician  हैं  ।  पर  मैं  दंग  रह  गया  जब  उनमे  से  एक  ने  बंद  पंखो  की  कई  angles  से  तस्वीरे  लेनी  शुरू  कर  दी  ।   जैसे  पुलिस  घटना  के  बाद  घटनास्थल  की  तस्वीरे  लेती  हैं  । 

कुछ  दिन  बाद  2 आदमी  सीदी  लेकर  पंखा  ठीक  करने  आये  तो  पता  चला  की  खराबी  पंखो  में  नहीं  switch  board  में  थी  । उस  दिन  वो  switch  भी  उखाड़  कर ले  गए ।   अब  वो  पंखे  UPA -2  की  तरह  बस  अपने  दिन  गिन  रहे  हैं ।

 

Forced Engineer

In my introduction I have described myself as a 'Forced Engineer'. you must have heard about Mechanical, Electrical, Chemical engineer. Many must be scratching their heads about this new discipline of engineering.

Actually this is not a discipline of engineering but a creation of various shortcomings prevalent in our Education System. Because of these factors I am on the verge of becoming a 'Forced Engineer'. Before going any further I must tell you that I have completed my 3 years of Engineering in Electronics And Telecommunication.( I still wonder how I reached so far)

Now, coming back to aforesaid shortcomings in our Education System. Our Schooling System is structured in such a manner ( A big thanks to Lord Macaulay) that upto Matriculation we are taught basics of every subject. Due to which often many students fail to identify their subject of interest and some students develop a perception that they are good in everything. Board result bolster their belief by good grades in all subjects.

Just after 10th students have to make a big decision of their life when they have to choose the subjects they are going to study for the next 2 years; and often their career is decided by this choice.

Now, subjects should be chosen according to once interest but either due to supremacy or bleakness in all subjects other factors comes into force.

One is supremacy of one stream over other. It is a myth in India that only brainy students can handle science stream. and their brain is judged by their Board marks which are often misleading due to flaws in our assessment system. So, board marks become the parameter of demarcation of different streams. Commerce comes second in terms of brain usage. But I feel pity for Humanities. It is felt that only week students choose Humanities in India. However, it is not the case. Great thinkers of our countries who are sitting in top positions in decision making and policy making bodies are all from humanities background. What Humanities inculcate in a student is missing in Science geek.

There was an article in 'Times Of India' on comparison of Science and Humanities Students in India; which proves the fact http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-toi/special-report/Save-us-from-lerds/articleshow/11151031.cms

Second factor while choosing subjects is Parents pressure. Many times students are forced to take a particular stream against his/her choice because of their parents or some relatives

Third and the most important factor is the scope of science stream. By taking science in +2 you can enter into many fields like Engineering, Medical etc, which has immense lucrative opportunities. Which is a very wrong notion. By overlooking their interest they forget that " Basic aim of Education is to make Life not Livelihood". This category of students due to their lack of interest in the chosen stream are not able to produce the kind of result which they could have produced in their interested stream.

So, what should be done to improve this situation?

Firstly, we have to make changes in our ways of teaching in school and assessment of students. There is a need to remove the education system created by 'Macauley' to create 'Babus'.

In subjects such as Science theory paper should be given less weight age and practical marks should be increased.

Counselling should be done for 10th class students so that they can identify their genuine interest for a subject.Their parents should also be counselled along with them.

Their is a need to change the materialistic thinking of students who feel that money is everything in life. They burn their midnight oil for 2 to 3 years for getting into some premier institute of country not for contributing into country's development but for their own development.

Coming back to my own apathy. I was not forced by my parents to take science. I took it due to the feeling of supremacy that i am good in every subject. It was only after studying +2 science I understood that I have no interest in Science.

But still I was forced by my parents to take Engineering because of scope factor. No one can understand how much difficult it was for me to pass these 3 years. Now, even if I pass next year and get a degree. I am uncertain of what I will do with it.

Because "I Will Be A Forced Engineer".

My future right now is like a moon in a cloudy sky. What I am afraid of is that I might become a flower born to blush unseen.

Importance of Luck in Success

There is an adage in Hindi-

"Waqt se pehle aur bhagya se zyada na kabhi kisi ko kuch mila hain na milega"

It means no one gets more than what is written in his destiny before time. In other words luck plays an important role in ones success.

Many people will differ from this and contradict it by giving examples of many famous and successful people from different fields. They will saythat it is their sheer determination and hardwork alone which made them today what they are and luck played no role in their life.

So,does it mean that above saying is wrong or insignificant in present context?

Certainly not, it is said that it takes 1000 years for a phrase to become a sententia. Like other proverbs it also stand true since ages and in present arena also.

In the war of MAHABHARATA when Duryodhan is killed, Lord Krishna turns to Pandavas  and says  "We have been lucky to win." This is God speaking itself who must be knowing the outcome of war. Pandavas were fighting for truth; it was a fight against evil. So,according to most of us they were bound to win. But Lord Krishna's statement itself speaks that there could be both outcomes possible. Both Pandavas and Kauravas fought bravely. But the reason of Pandavas win was 'Luck Factor' on their  side.

Now, many will argue that if luck is the deciding factor, why do we need to do hard work for achieving our goals. Luck is the critical reason for succes but unfortunately it is not under our will. It is also not the only ingredient of success. Hardwork,determination, patience, perseverence are the other ingredients and fortunately they are under our control. So, work on the factors which are under our control. This can reduce the share of luck upto some extent. But remember it cannot be vanished completely.

A beautiful line is said in famous T.V series 'Prison Break' which says-" Preparation can only take you to a certain level. Beyond that you need to take some leaps of faith."

We can do our best to reach the last end of the path of our destination, where other serious persons (our competitors) will also be there. But only those will reach the destination whose luck favours them more.

The motive of writing this blog is that many of my friends (including me) are standing at crossroads of our carrier. Everyone has set their goals and working hard to reach there. Some lucky one's will achieve it at one try, some won't. But never develop an emotional attachment to the final result. Be sincere in your efforts and motivated towards your goal. Definitely it will increase your probability of success. But future is still uncertain. If you fail once try again. The outcome is not in your hands. Someone has already decided your faith

Cartoon Controversy

Finally Thorat Committee constituted by the National Council for Educational Research And Training (N.C.E.R.T) to review the cartoons in its Social Science text books gives its recommendations to delete some controversial cartoons and text.

Flimsy and bizarre reasons are given for their removal as they are negative and presenting politicians and bureaucrats in an ‘incorrect manner’.

Can a cartoon portray a politician in an incorrect manner? Or it is a way of showing their negative things in a light manner. In other words a humorous way of criticizing.

We have to go back to the time before independence when there was great censorship on press and political articles and editorials criticizing Government were not allowed to get published; even at that time cartoons were not banned.

There are several incidents where British Officer depicted in the cartoon had called the cartoonist and asked for its original copy.

After independence our First Prime Minister Pt. Nehru was great admirer of  Shankar’s cartoon. He is the same cartoonist whose Ambedkar cartoon in 11^th class book started this controversy. Many other cartoonist cartoons were liked by our great leaders from time to time. This shows the humorous and tolerable nature of our then leaders. They were open to criticism. So is this Cartoon Controversy showing the intolerable nature of our present leaders?

Moreover, cartoons were inserted in textbooks for developing logical thinking in students and making them ask questions whose answerscannot be found in book.

In this way it can remove the malaise of  rote learning from our education system.

Sometimes, the impossible questions asked by ‘Munni and Unni’ can make the students scan for extra resources and widening their knowledge base.

Cartoons also make the heavy subject such as Political Science easier for school level students to understand easily.

If the recommended deletions are accepted by NCERT it will be a matter of  national shame.

As said by M.S.S Pandian “What’s politically incorrect need not be educationally inappropriate.”